So, i’m watching my boob tube*, when I’m suddenly overwhelmed with horror, and a sense of doom so profound it might have actually materialized for a second. Denzell Washington and John Travolta. It wasn’t merely the two lead actors in this film that almost reduced me to a fugue http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fugue state, it was the acting itself. Either these men, and this movie, are the victims of the most brutal editing in film clip’s long and virile http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/virile ( meaning 4) history.
Call me picky, and I know most of you WILL, for free even. But shouldn’t movie trailers and clips at least try to convey the general plot arc of the movie the big production companies (with one of my own in the works) are trying so desperately to sell to us? Don’t they think it would somehow spur us onward to the ticket booths they no doubt, pay homage to on an hourly basis? Why, then would you present a movie trailer that was seemingly cobbled together by intoxicated mini schnauzers?
Additionally, Travolta looks bloated and decrepit. Ford pulled it off in that last Indiana Jones “movie”, only because I can look at him and he transforms into Han Solo. That scores him nerd points and sexy points. Plus I hate Travolta’s voice. It’s high and nasal, and that fake ass country twang that fades in an out like a bad FM signal (remember those?) And the maddening aspect of that particular tangent is, I see so little of him, that I forget his stupid auditory vomit.
Then you have sweet, sexy Denzell, who sounds as if he’s reading the script off of a Teleprompter. He sounds uncharacteristicly stilted and wooden, and it saddens me to see him like this. As if he is unaware of Training Day, and Man On Fire. As if even exisiting on the same peice of celluloid as Travolta infects him with some strain of Keanu Reeves. Yes dear readers, “Everything doesn’t appear like what it is-” is an actual line from the movie trailier. I swooned. The only redeeming factor, and conversly evidence of the sheer sucksassitude of this abomination, is that quote was cut off in the middle, so I could be optimistic and hope that in it’s totality it makes more sense, or stay true to my inner cynic and assume that the rest of it is as inane as its predeccesors.
Fortunately this all come on the heels of some greats like Wolverine, Terminator, Star Trek, all that good stuff so I can rest easy knowing that sci-fi offerings like that alongside this brilliant looking Johnny Depp thingy, will keep me properly entertained during my vacation. Now if you’ll excuse me, *I’m watching Chappelle’s Show.
